I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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