I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
