I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
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The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
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I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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