cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
