I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
BRING THE BAGELS
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
