Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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