he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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