I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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