How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
