he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
