Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
