I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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