Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Success! We fucked roommates!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
