Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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