sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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