The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize