if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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