They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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