Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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