maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there's paper in my vomit.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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