Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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