Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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