the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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