somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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