She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
