the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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