Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
