I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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