Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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