Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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