Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
