Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
