i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
