the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
