FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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