The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
