I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
