Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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