I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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