oh fat girl friday strikes again...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
