i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
