sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
