fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
