Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
