i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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