It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
