Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
