do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
