Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
