I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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