im drinking this country out of the recession.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
