i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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