I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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