They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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