Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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