I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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