you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I believe in your delicious
These tits shall not be calmed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
