She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
