the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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