I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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