Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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