You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
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dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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