If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
