dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
