he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
